Jessy Randall

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe, a shoe for god's sake. Seriously? Yes. At night she pulled a cord and the shoe laced up tight, but it was still really cold in there because there was no roof over half of it. So she spent the nights in the toe of the shoe with her husband and all their children – four or five, I think, a LOT of children – and they huddled up together to keep warm. Sometimes it was so cold she had to whip the kids to warm them up. Then her husband whipped her and she whipped him back. If they hadn't had all those children, things would have been different, she thought to herself.

There was an old woman of Harrow

There was an old woman of Harrow. She – where's Harrow? I don't know. Probably in England somewhere. Anyway – you want to know why it was called that? You could look that up. You'll probably get the answer in two seconds on your phone.

Old Mother Hubbard went to her cupboard

Old Mother Hubbard went to her cupboard but there was nothing in it. She kept looking, in all the corners, but nothing. Her dog looked at her balefully. He was used to this. She didn't mind so much for herself but she felt bad for the dog. The dog was depending on her. She knew she had to leave the house to get food, but she didn't want to. She stood in the doorway with her coat on for a long time.

There was an old woman of Surrey

There was an old woman of Surrey who had an anxiety problem. And there was no medicine or medication to save her. She slept little and ate little and couldn't seem to get better. It was all because of where she lived, a town that rhymed with worry, but she couldn't seem to see that.

There was an old woman of Gloucester

There was an old woman of Gloucester who could not stop correcting people, their manners, their grammar, how they spent their time. "We don't own a television," she told anyone who would listen. "Do you recycle?" "How long did you nurse your baby?" She drove everyone crazy. Just buy a damn TV, they thought to themselves, and leave us alone.

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